In a few short minutes the new “me” will arrive and I will be expected to train him. It occurs to me that I am a very poor teacher and that perhaps I should be glad (or the school board should be glad) that my teaching aspirations fell through. I’ve been sitting here trying to think of where to start and what to say. I got stuck around here:
Hi new guy. Your job is basically simple. You act like me. You laugh at jokes (but only the boss’) – whether they are funny is irrelevant. You can try to retain a semblance of self-respect, but I don’t recommend it. It will only make things harder. Don’t mention the following: protein deficiencies, the President, classical guitar, dog training, the Bible or wood carving. It’s best if you accept now that you know nothing about these subjects and surrender to the superior intellect of your supervisor. Don’t expect any praise. Do expect for everything that goes wrong in this office to be your fault. Whether it is or not is irrelevant. Anticipate many, many lunches where conversation revolves around physical therapy practices or late ’60’s trends. You are not expected to contribute anything thoughtful to these talks. Although, knowing a bit about Peter, Paul and Mary is a plus. Always dress “sharp” for court. If you don’t the boss will be embarrassed by your existence and you really don’t want that.
That’s as far as I get- and obviously I can’t actually articulate any of that. The actual practice of clerking is pretty straightforward and the parts that aren’t, the parts that make you a good clerk, can’t be taught. I’m all jammed up.
To make matters worse, the new me is nothing like me. He is a boy for one. He is ex-military for another. He is married. He invested in Palm stock. He thinks that beating your dog constitutes good discipline.
Step one: smile.
Step two: smile.
Step three: smile.
