Welcome to the Family, er, Mischief.

This week I adopted Maddie.  I decided before Ash died that I wanted to keep my party of three.  I doubt that I was completely ready for a new ward, but considering Pippy’s personality I thought it best to cut short her cage domination fantasy. 

I had been thinking of adopting a male.  My flickr friends seem to really enjoy their boys.  A few days ago at Durel’s (still wasn’t ready) I saw a very little boy.  I held him and gushed over him and then put him back.  When I decided to adopt, I went back to Durel’s looking for him – he wasn’t there.  The remaining ratties were untame teenagers – males and females in a small tank.  The conditions that they were living in made me feel very sad.  I was torn between rescuing one and refusing to patronize a shop that treats rats like meal worms.  I walked away. 

My second stop landed me at the equally questionable Petsmart.  I know chains are notorious for bad pet selling practices, but I never see overcrowded cages or stupid employees at my local store.  It could be a fluke, but Pinky is also a more calm and pleasant lap pet than Pippy.   There was no hope of adopting a male because Petsmart only sells females. 

I peered into the plexi glass cages to see what there was to see.  In one cage there were four ratties of various colors and sizes.  They were all very cute and active. The next cage appeared empty.  While waiting for an employee to open the area,  movement in the second cage caught my eye.  There was a little girl there!  She was perched atop her water bottle where she could hear and see the goings-on of the neighbor cage.  It was a sad sight – rats are so very social and here was this little one just grasping for the sight of her own kind.  I asked to hold her.  She was calm but very interested in me.  She had found a home. 

Maddie is 5-6 weeks old.  She is brown with white berkshire markings on her stomach, which extend to four little stocking feet.  She has dumbo ears and one very large appetite. 

Although I miss my Ash so much, watching a new little one enjoy the very spots my old girl loved warms my heart. 

In human news, it looks like Papa will be home in time for brother’s birthday.  Hooray for the kind of gifts money can’t buy!

A Little Love Goes a Long Way

 If there is any magic at all in this life – it is the magic of peace – the ultimate calm that one life experiences through some odd brew of experience, circumstance and of course, the communion with other lives.

The moment I met Ash the rat something in me recognized something in her. She became peaceful. She bruxed with contentment. She came to expect my return from work and I came to look forward to her antics and affection.

The things that Ash always needed in her life she finally found. She only had 3 months left to live. She lived 18 presumably miserable months. She bit, she slept too much and she overate. It wasn’t until she came home to Camellia Blvd. that she began to trust and accept affection. When I think about it, how very hard it can be to uncover the best possible life, how truly dicey it can all be…it’s such magic. That any living being finds any peace at all is an inexplicable thing.

Loosing Ash, watching her die, was one of the tough moments in my young life. Watching her shift from an animal full of distrust and exhaustion to one full of affection and energy was a true reminder of the magic of companionship.

I will miss her terribly.   I made the decision not to put her to sleep.  Instead, I slept near her cage and during the very last hours something woke me.  As soon as I reached into the cage to hold her, I felt her begin to let go.  She lived for only a few minutes more.  Mercifully long enough for me to hold her.  I would like to think that she waited for me.

In Sickness

This has been the month of illness. Both Papa and Mamaw landed in Lafayette General.  Papa’s stint has been in the ICU.   I’ve spent most nights rushing between my two jobs and the hospital. Maybe I forgot to mention this: I took a second job as a night instructor at Remington College. Semester starts in a week and I will be teaching a Substantive Criminal Law class.

My rescue Ash developed a mammary tumor several months ago. She has been managing well in spite of the tumor’s rapid growth. The vet assured me that I would know when the time to discuss end of life decisions arrived. Yesterday, upon returning from a very long stint at the hospital, I found my little rat without the use of her left front leg. A trip to the vet produced a strange parallel. Dr. M said, “Treating a 20 month old rat is like treating an 85 year old man…we are striving for comfort at this point.”

I look at this situation and I wonder how it is that at the moment when you are closest to supreme denial, you receive a cosmic wake-up call.

If I were the praying kind, I would find myself bent in supplication. I am humbled by these circumstances – by my complete powerlessness to institute change.

Terminus

I have learned a lot in this year.  Mostly about myself.  There were times when I would have sworn I would have cried – but I held it together.  At least long enough to get to the bathroom.  I’ve learned that I want to learn.  That I want to believe in people.  That I want to see the good.  I may have my negative moments but I’m not a pessimist yet.

Yes, this is the year that I learned what I am not.

Nerves of…

Yesterday:

7:30 am – Ryan scheduled for scary procedure involving very large needle. I am so freaked out that I don’t even blink when hospital staff accuses me of being a wife and later, a sister. I did wonder afterwards what that said about girlfriends. Are we not expected to hold our partner’s hand through the thick of things? I tend to think that as the notion of partnership shifts, labels become less significant. Maybe I’m wrong. It seemed that I needed to link my financial future to Ryan or share his DNA to be up at the crack of dawn supporting him. Anyway, he was a total trooper and is recovering well.

10 am – ate entire box of pop tarts in an anxiety fueled melt-down. I don’t know when was the last time I craved pop tarts, but after yesterday I don’t expect I’ll be wanting them again this century.

1:30 pm – arrive for “mock lecture” interview where I am expected to give an oral presentation before four live prospective employers and four “administrators at headquarters” tuned in through a closed circuit device. I sweat so terribly that I am forced to re-think raising my hands a half inch during the lecture – better just keep them clasped “naturally” in front of me. I am told later that I looked calm and collected – probably because all of the blood had rushed into my faced and I was experiencing a freakish body-euphoria.

2:00 – 6:00 pm – body shuts down. I am forced to give in to nausea and a terrible upset stomach. Oscar spends the afternoon providing moral support. I deeply regret my dietary choice of pop tarts.

Considering that my big fears are needles, hospitals, the death of a loved one and public speaking, I’m probably lucky that I didn’t have a stroke.

PS – I tuned in to Rush again today. He was on some tirade about gay Spartans and training men to be gay. The man is clinically insane. I really want to meet him.

I Heart Surveys

1. When was the last time you had butterflies in your stomach?

plane flight from Denver.

2. What are you wearing from head to toe?

a green barrette, only monsters test on animals peta tee, black pants, black converses. I could totally work for Presonus.

3. Does your phone go off in the middle of the night often?

Only when Bryan Tuck is drunk and bored.

4. What did you do yesterday?

Bought my new super awesome bike (see entry below), road my new super awesome bike 6.2 miles, visited with my fam and watched “The Closer.”

5. What are you doing tomorrow?

Top secret stuff. Seriously.

6. What is something you learned about yourself recently?

I can have a healthy blood pressure sometimes.

7. Do you like anyone?

Yes.

8. Do you know anyone who is married?

Proof that this survey is for 12 year old girls drawing hearts on their notebooks in their bedrooms while listening to John Mayer.

9. What is your favorite number?

Five. It was my jersey number for every sport and my roll number in class – because I was fifth alphabetically. Right behind Stuart. The asshole. He asked me why I wasn’t going to be the piggy in our first grade play because I had “a piggy nose.” It scarred me for life.

11. Are you outgoing?

After three vodkas.

12. When was the last time you cried?

Like yesterday. I have a lot of feelings.

13. What is one thing you miss about your past?

Belle. Bootsy. pet chickens. Summer vacation.

14. What is one thing you’ve learned about life?

Being positive and loving can take effort.

15. Are you jealous of anyone?

Rich people. beautiful people. Skinny people. People with lots of pet rats.

16. Is anyone jealous of you?

Probably. My bike rawks.

17. Have you ever used a friend?

I really thought about this one. No. I can’t say that I have. I’ve probably definitely used people I didn’t like. Ex: Drummer Boy.

18. Has anyone recently told you that they like you more than as a friend?

Again, I am reminded that I should be sitting on my pink comforter hugging my teddy bear as I type on my dell lap top with lisa frank stickers plastered all over it.

19. Who was the last person you drove with?

Ryan. My favorite back-seat driver.

20. What are you looking forward to?

Starting my new job.

21. How are you today?

okay. I’ve got a lot of work to do and I’m procrastinating – so I will probably be angry in a few hours.

22. What’s your worst experience?

Being sick on a day long trip that included flights and a bumpy van ride into the desert. I wanted my mom and doctor.

24. How many things in your past do you regret?

Several boyfriends. A few decisions. One Piercing.

25. Do you have a best friend?

Same person since high school.

26. Have you ever kissed two people in one night?

Isn’t that what law school “TGIF’s” are for?

27. Have you ever been in the emergency room?

Yes. Both times for getting hurt while acting like a monkey.

28. What’s the last movie you watched?

300. The abs.
29. If you could change anything about your past, what would it be?

I would have majored in anthropology and begged on to some research work in Borneo. Forfeited attachments and worldly possessions. Nothing major.

30.Have you ever felt like killing somebody?

Every Sunday.

31. Do you like your life?

Yes.

32. When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?

I’m not sure. Disappointment isn’t an emotion I struggle with. Now unreasonable anger…

33. What kind of music do you like?

All kinds. You know who is awesome? Dr. John. I was just listening to an interview with him where he spoke about giving up a career as a guitarist after an unfortunate incident involving a woman, a hotel room and a gun.

34. Does anything hurt on your body right now?

My left shoulder.

35. Do you have more girl or guys friends?

Boys. My brother and my boyfriend have great guy friends that I appreciate spending time with.

36. How long have you had myspace?

Too long. Every time I get on myspace I become depressed.

37. Have you ever fallen asleep with someone of the opposite sex?

What kind of question is that? You know what?  I will take the opportunity to admit that I did once fall asleep on the phone while talking to Ryan.  He’s done it to me too.  When we first started dating we felt obligated to talk on the phone all the time – this led to lots of pointless discussions.

38. What’s one thing you wish you could be better at?

Voice projection.

40. What is your biggest fear of your life?

That the the Old Testament god exists and I will be smote.

41. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?

Every time a pet died.

42. Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head?

No. Sometimes I can’t get rid of a conversation or a book, but not a person in particular.

43. Are you happy with your looks?

No way. Is any American girl?

44. Have you kissed anyone in your top friends?

let me think…I don’t know what “top” friends are. I have kissed friends. I kiss friends all the time. I’m from Louisiana. Everyone kisses everyone.

45. Do you like to sing?

Not really. I think that reveals how repressed I am.

47. Are looks important?

In a way. But not in the way you are thinking. I am disinterested in fake looking people – like the whole cast of 300 – they bore me.

48. What are you listening to?

Another law clerk. She just started and just took the bar exam. She prattling on about the exam and how she hopes she passed. I’m trying not to commit to the conversation so I don’t have to say for the second time today that I didn’t pass the bar.

49. What does the 8th text you received on your mobile say?

Making food. Come eat.

50. Do you believe in love?

The Beatles tell me that it’s all I need.

News

After a month of research, (I get more like Dad every day) I purchased a bicycle!!! In just two weeks I’ve come to happily anticipate my daily rides. It’s the first “athletic” activity since my equestrian days that leaves me feeling more centered instead of more frustrated.

Tie breaker: if you are interested, I had a tough time deciding between a Schwinn Sierra GSD and the Specialized Crossroads Sport. They are basically the same bike with minor differences. The Sierra (14.5 inch frame) has disc brakes, which were super nice. It has good components and nice all-purpose tires. The Crossroads (13 inch frame) has a more comfortable seat, better gear transitions, slimmer tires and better components in places. While I really, really liked the disc brakes, in the end the Crossroads just fit me better. I handled the smaller frame more comfortably and the placement of the shift levers worked better for me. I found that on mom’s Schwinn Sierra I tended to accidentally shift when riding -the whole handle twists to shift.

When I test rode my Crossroads, the shifting was really smooth. Somewhere between the shop and the street the shifting got a little lurchy. I’m blaming this on newness and waiting until the break-in period is over.

In other news, Jon is employed! He got a job working for Presonus, which is the same company where his buddy Dave works. I am jealous. How much would I love to work in the same building as Gretch? A lot. That is until she showed me some disgusting oozing limb. Jon will be combining his super brain power with his super creative power, which also makes me a bit green. He’s actually working in the music “industry.” Rad.

Finally, I bring you my very own Paul Harvey segment. This morning NPR interviewed little leaguers in Washington D.C. about Barry Bond’s chase for the career home runs record. Thirteen year old Cameron had this to say: ” To me, Hank Arron painted a masterpiece with his life. Barry Bonds will just be painting over that. ” I couldn’t have said it better.

Munny Goes to Market

Bad news: I’m spending your tax dollars looking at art.

Good news: I’m sharing my discoveries with you.

Yesterday’s entry was prompted by my discovery of kidrobot toys. Munny is a neat-o little vinyl that allows  buyers to decorate him at their whim. He comes completely naked. No eyes. No clothes. No color. I mean, he comes in black, white or glow in the dark.

Today I started wondering: what are people doing with their munnys? A lot is the answer: there’s this and this and this. My favorite munny(s) took a slightly darker, slightly more miserable slant. Kathy Olivas is currently working on a long-term mixed media project under the theme “Misery Children.” Sounds dark? It is. I guess some time into the project, Olivas decided to take a stab at munny crafting. The result was a whimsical nightmare child complete with a bolted mouth and angry expression. The idea caught on and there are now enough fans to warrant commissions. Excellent.

He Makes My Heart Skip a Beat

Jessie: I’m officially obsessed. I want every single one of these and these and these. What great art.

Ryan: Since how cool shit is is apparently directly inverse to the number of
people who have any fucking clue what you’re talking about, I’m gonna make a secret website and never tell anyone about it.

Jessie: I’m filing this under “proof that R is a massive dickhead about stuff. “

Ryan: I’m just making an observation dude.

Sometimes They’re So Cute It’s Scary