Having completed the all-important reading list, I suppose I should make time to consider my larger experiences of 2011 as well.  This was a game changing year for me.  Below, I’ve listed the big moments and what I (hopefully) learned from them.

1) Enter Stage Left –  Love of Your Life: Meeting David last January was, almost instantly, a knowing sort of thing. There was a recognition between us of mutual interest, affection and respect.  David is the first man I have been in a true partnership with.   I have very satisfying and reciprocal partnerships with several long-time girlfriends and these are deeply important to me.  Still, a man to share intimacy and friendship with seemed hard to come by.

While our transition from dating people to folks sharing a household has not been easy, moving in with David and making the big partnership transitions have been some of the best decisions of my life.  I am more content and peaceful with him – even in the storms of life.

2) Stepfamily:  Holy unexpected 7-year-old!  I was not prepared for Ilenia’s entrance into my life but her presence makes me a BETTER person.  Let me explain:  sharing your life with a child you have no biological ties to is a singular experience.  You are forced to grow, to challenge your own beliefs, to assess how you want to live.  I am amazed daily by how painful and beautiful the experience of life with a young person can be. 

3) Standing my Ground: When I declared that I would move unmarried into a home with David, I had to face the inevitable hard questions from my family and friends.  When you know something is right for you, even when it defies tradition, it’s a formational experience to dig your feet in and follow your gut.  In the past, I have not gone the way of my instincts if I thought it might make waves with the people I love.  Good news:  The people who love me kept right on loving me. I started living my own life not the life I thought I was expected to live.

4) Laid Off:  Failure, real or perceived, is a tough one for me.  We work really, really hard to avoid failures at all costs.  The expense of being a “success” had long taken its toll on me.  I was highly educated but on career path I found ethically questionable at best. I could have really wallowed over finding myself so well-educated, a good employee and suddenly jobless.  I decided to see it as the opportunity to move to the Northshore.  It was the jolt I just might have needed even if I didn’t want it.

5) Goodbye Lafayette: Leaving my beloved Lafayette was a big deal.  I ate Sunday dinner at my grandmother’s every week.  Clearly, I’ve got ties to that place. I didn’t really want to leave my friends and family but I wanted a life with David.  In some ways, it felt like the first truly brave decision I’d ever made.  Sure, I went off to college and lived in Atlanta alone briefly but those decisions were not bittersweet.  Back then, I had not settled on Lafayette as a home.  Re-evaluating home as the place where David is was a big step.

6) Big City Job: My first job offer and therefore the one I jumped on was to work for a law firm in the greater New Orleans area.  My gut told me that I couldn’t be happy there. My gut was right.  Sometimes though, you take the offer presented to you at the time; you make the decision that’s best for your whole family.  A year ago, I could have just walked away from a crap job.  Now, I have David and Ilenia to think of too.

I did learn that my suspicions about my suitedness for big city legal work were correct.  I’m not a machine and I don’t work well when the humanity is sucked out of a process.

7) The End of an Era: When Oscar died this year, it felt like my childhood fully gave up the ghost as well.  As my girlhood pet, he was more than just the family dog.  He was a breathing, interactive connection to another time.  With his death, I felt alone in a chilly adult world.  When I really looked about though I realized that being an adult is a world full of wonder as well.  You’ve got to give up something of  childhood to reap the benefits of a grown girl’s life. It’s a good trade after all.

8) Antidepressants be gone: several years ago I went through a dark night of the soul.  In today’s world, it is commonly believed that there is a pill for that.  Unfortunately, I found myself caught between the advice (demand) of a medical doctor and my own instincts. Once medicated, it took me years to trust myself enough to ween off.  One of the most poorly understood side-effects of every anti-depressant is the self-doubt attached.  These are little pills with heavy burdens. 

I was so very lucky and found two amazing counselors and a crew of supportive women.  Those people did so much more for me than a medication ever could.  With their support and years of work, I had the courage to fight the awful battle required to get medication free.  I don’t advocate this for everyone but for me it was a great, life-affirming decision.  I am more myself today than I have been in years.

9) So Long Control: several people walked out of my life this year.  People I loved.  I let them go.  The addiction to control is gross.  I don’t want to control anyone else and I want folks to have my blessing to live as they please.  I would have fought in the past less for that person than to prove myself worthy of their love.  Today, I find it easier to love people enough to trust that they know what they are doing with their lives. 

10) The Big Questions : This has been the year where I really asked myself to think hard about the big questions: 1) How do I want to use the life I’ve been given?  2) Do I want to/should I have biological children?  3) What does marriage mean to me?  4) What are the beliefs I’m not willing to compromise on?

Most of these questions don’t have clear or direct answers.  All of them are still milling around in my mind.  But you know what?  I think it’s important to be introspective enough to actively evaluate these things.  When I reach the moments where I’m called on to stand somewhere on one of these questions, I’ll be able to say, “I’ve thought this one over for a long time and here’s where I am..”

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